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caroline forbes

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It was just bloody perfect. Apparently Caroline did not want to see him in private, which would have been a step up on her not wanting to see him at all if the only reason for seeing him wasn't that she needed something from him. Whatever it might be, Klaus had very little idea, or too many ideas, which all boiled down to the same thing: he did not know what it might be, but he figured that he was not going to like it.

There were not many things at all that he would like coming from her, at this stage.

He reached the Porta Ianulis within a minute or so, and leaned his back against a wall, hands in his pockets, gaze vacant. He only looked up when Caroline walked near, his face betraying nothing of whatever he might be feeling. He needed no switch to compartmentalise.

"What do you need?"

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"What did you expect?" he asks, watching her, and he's no longer touching her since he made her jump and he dropped his hand. Instead, he gestures for her to take a seat, and the gesture encompasses a chair and the bed, whatever she prefers.

She sits on the very edge of his bed, her hands on her knees, and she shrugs. "That you're still mad at me, and you'd just-" And that's when she looks away, when she looks down. "Leave." Come back here, but not invite her with him.

This was not what she expected to have happen. When she tells somebody that she loves them, she expects them to freak out, or to be happy, but not this.... nothing.

Since he doesn't know how she feels about proximity just then, and the last thing he wants is to spook her somehow, Klaus grabs one of the chairs and drags it over to the bedside he can sit right in front of Caroline. It'll be easy to reach out for her if he wants to, and there's something about sitting in front of her, instead of beside her, that works better for a genuine conversation. You can't be an artist without recognising the power of symbols.

"Caroline, you just gave me a speech right out of - one of these shows the geek says we're from," Klaus points out. "And you expected me to leave?"

"You don't believe me," she says, and she finally looks up at him again. "And I know you're mad, and you don't-" She paused then, because-- she doesn't want to say it out loud and confirm it even though she knows it. "So. It's okay, and of course it's all- It's all valid, you know? You're-" And then she stops, because she's got this talent of blowing things up in the her head, and making them worse, and he's like a thousand years old, and she's just some girl who's in love with him and it probably happens to him a lot and he probably thinks that she's a moron and she shouldn't have said anything.

"It's okay," she says again, nodding to confirm it. "So yeah, I just- That's it."

"You've just used a lot of words to say next to nothing," he points out, with raised eyebrows. "Ask me. What you want to know. What you think you know. Ask me."

She's probably not going to like all of his answers, but it's not the kind of offer he usually makes to people, so he hopes she'll take him up on it.

There's the one thing that she wants to ask, but she doesn't because she knows he'll roll his eyes and not understand why she wants to ask if he hates her now, because she doesn't mean hate-hate, but that like I can't stand you right now thing instead. She's pretty sure that he doesn't- No, she knows he doesn't feel the same way, and it hurts, but she's tucked that away, and what she ends up asking is something that surprises her.

"Do you believe me?"

Answer number one that she's not going to like, then. "I believe that you might believe it." All of his body language says that he is focused on her, and he's not being truthful to hurt her, he's being truthful because she deserves the truth, no matter what. "But I don't believe that you could love me already, no."

There's a part of him that thinks, ever, but it's the part of him he never lets speak. He lets it influence his actions more often than not, but he's trying not to let that happen anymore. Hence Caroline.

She nods once, and it's small and she swallows. "Okay," she says. Just the one word, a statement, not a question. "Are you angry?"

Besides that second question, she doesn't move, barely breathes, doesn't let anything show. Now is one of those times that she desperately wants to be by herself, because it does hurt, it hurts more than a lot of things have hurt her - certainly the most hurtful thing he's said, but she doesn't let herself, she won't be the one to show weakness. Not now.

He's trying to see beyond the façade of strength she's putting on, and maybe the fact that she's putting it on at all is answer enough, but maybe it isn't. She'll share if she wants to, and she's asked him a second question.

"I'm hurt," he answers, because it's exactly what he wishes she would share with him. How she's feeling, so he says it even though he wouldn't usually say anything. "I usually respond to that with anger," he adds, with a hint of a smile, because that's nothing new to her. "Talking is getting me past that."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she says quietly, and it's something she lets slip past that façade, that she really means it from the heart of her. "I'm sorry." Which means he is still angry. Still, she's not talking, because she's all wrapped up in it, because what can she say? He says you don't love me, and she says she does, and then he doesn't believe her, and she can't make him.

There's no winner. Because she feels like it's pointing out every flaw, like she's stupid and can't know and then why have they been doing this, why does she trust him, because she shouldn't. And there's nothing that could really be more patronizing and talking down than I believe you believe it. That's how you talk to a crazy person, and even if he doesn't believe her, and even if he doesn't lie, there's still other ways to put it, other things to say.

"I won't do it again, I promise." And then she looks down, while she tries to think of another question, while she tries to not think about his answers, but then- "I guess I don't really need to know anything else," she says quietly, but then- "Will you hate me if I go back to my room?" She glances up at him, and she's holding herself perfectly in control, and she genuinely wants to know.

Edited ( ) 2012-06-21 22:26 (UTC)

"You'd have to do a lot worse than that for me to hate you," Klaus answers, genuinely, because he never hated her, that whole time. He was mad at her, yes, but hate - hate is something she hasn't deserved yet. And to be fair, he's rarely managed to truly hate anyone. His life would have been far easier if he had.

He never even hated Tatia.

"Then-" And she looks up at him, and there's a crack in her armor. "How can this work? You don't even believe-" She bites her lips together, and then just asks it like a regular question. "Do you think this can work at all?" And she knows she's got to hold it together, because he'll think she's being even more of an idiot, because his patience isn't exactly what he's known for.

And if he wants to know these things, he if wants to know about her, he'd ask, and so she assumes he doesn't. If she'd tell the truth is another story, but he's not even asking, and that tells her more than a lot of his answers.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," he answers. Or more accurately, since this is his room, she wouldn't be here, but it's a turn of phrase, and he means it. "I'm not in this for a quick shag or two, love. In case..." He trails off, glances to the side with the sort of wince that means it's tough to get it out, and looks back at her, "In case you didn't notice, I don't really stop loving people."

Her brows furrow, and it's obvious that she doesn't know what to do or say, and the silence stretches for a long moment. She doesn't think he loves her and can't say it, and she doesn't know if he's trying to placate her, or what, so she just sits there for a long minute. "Why am I always the one asking questions?" She follows it up with another one. "You said you fancied me when you didn't even know me. I don't even understand why you -like- me. Why is it when I say something, it's wrong, but when you say it, it's fine?"

Klaus smiles, quickly, because it's just like her to challenge how she's asking all the questions before asking him another one, without giving him the time to answer. But he is still going to.

"I'm not asking questions because you already gave me the answers I wanted," he answers, "and it's your turn. Are you comparing I-fancy-you to I-love-you?" He has to ask, because that's what it sounds like, and if she isn't, he doesn't know what she's referring to.

"I'm comparing 'I fancy you' when you didn't know me, when you didn't know me at all, to 'I love you' now." She pauses, and then- "Just- don't- Nevermind. I don't want to talk about it." And it's not really that, it's that she can't take him picking it apart, him telling her that it was impossible and she didn't know, and all she can hear is wrong-wrong-wrong.

"Can we just forget it. Forget I said anything, okay?" And it's more forceful than she meant it to be, and her face twists, and she's hungry, and she's just had her pretty much heartfelt confession, her I will choose you over my friends if you don't eat them shoved in her face and it takes her a second to pull herself back together. "We can just act like the last five days never happened. Okay?"

Edited 2012-06-21 23:40 (UTC)

"No," Klaus answers, simply, and not challengingly. It's a simple statement of fact, because he won't pretend. "You spent half your time not believing that I fancied you, anyway, so it's an apt enough comparison. But it doesn't really matter." None of that matters. "What matters is, where do we go from here? Where do you want to go from here."

Two different questions, and 'backwards' isn't an option. That's why he said no. There's only forward, one way or the other.

She doesn't want to cry in front of him. "I don't know," she says, and then she stares down at her fingers. "I don't." She doesn't look at him because she can't. "What do you want to do?" She can't look at him, and she hates this - not him, she doesn't hate him, she honestly, truly does love him and it kills her, sort of. Because all she can think is that he got the answers that he wanted, and she doesn't even know what that means, and she's shaking her head. "I don't make that choice, Klaus. It's not just me. I say 'I love you', you say either I'm lying or I'm stupid, and then you ask me what I want to do? I don't know."

"I don't say you're lying or you're stupid, I say I can't believe it, Caroline." He straightens up, and he's starting to get frustrated, because she was right earlier, what she said about his patience. He's all at once extremely patient and extremely not, and that's just one of his many contradictions. Phrasing it like that, it puts the spotlight on him and his shortcomings, and of course his patience is thinning. He hates doing that. "Go back to your room if you like, think it over however long you like, I know I want to be with you."

He's said it so many times, or so it feels. He isn't used to saying it, because most of the time he doesn't have to, he just takes what or who he wants.

"You said you believe I believe it, and that's what they say to crazy people." She looks up, and he eyes are shiny. "You're not making it very obvious. At all, actually." She stands up, and maybe she is crying, maybe she is even though she won't admit it and she scrubs her face. "It's funny, I look at you, and I say 'Klaus, I love you. and these are the reasons why, and this is what I see in you and I genuinely like the person you help make me be' and you don't believe it, and I'm not supposed to be hurt or upset or frustrated, I don't even get a response to it besides that I believe it and you don't, and that's it. I don't even get a Caroline I want you to stay here, or anything else. I get a what will you do if your friends are here, which implies yes, that you think I haven't thought this through, that I'm either stupid enough to not consider Elena and Bonnie, or that I'm lying and I don't really love you, but surprise. I do."

She shrugs, scrubbing at her cheeks again, and shakes her head. "And if I leave now, it's not me leaving to make up my mind, it's me choosing that this isn't worth it, and we both know it. Because if I leave, you're not going to come look for me, I'm going to have to come back to you and you're going to act like you've been here the whole time and this is just my issue, when the issue's really that you can't deal with the fact that I fall in love quickly, and the thought of something happening to you makes me want to puke. So you know what? I love you, and you can not believe me all you want, but that doesn't change it. And the whole weird power play thing is sort of a sucky move, okay?"

Now he's staying in the chair because if he gets up he is going to let his anger out, and it's all he can do to stay there, fingers curling on the edge of the chair as he glares up at her.

"You keep believing that I think you're stupid, Caroline, heard about the pot calling the kettle black?" he asks, and his anger is clear in his words, his tone and his eyes, but it's nowhere near fully expressed. "What you can't deal with is the fact that you might have to prove to me that you're in love with me, that I'm not going trust you in a hurry, and that it's not going to happen quickly." Whereas he's done nothing but proving it to her, and even if she doesn't believe it yet, she will, eventually. "I would happily find out I was wrong to disbelieve you, but I don't trust that sort of thing easily, and it will take time." Part of him wants to say more, wants to explain, but he can't, his anger and his pride won't let him, not now, not like this. "Now if leaving you your free will and the space to make decisions is a bloody power play, I'm sorry love, but it's what you get. You know where I stand, as far as I'm concerned you have all the power."

Now only does he get up, and apparently her outpour of words is contagious, and he's glaring at her and their faces are too close, but he's still - restrained. "I'm not asking you to change, I'm giving you the truth. You say you love me, and you know enough about me - this is me, too." And he was too old for anything else.

She stares up at him, and her eyes are shiny. "I know that you don't love me. I get it, and that's okay, but why can't I say I love you?" And she feels like she's broken or something. "And if we're not going to just forget it, just not talk about the whole thing, what am I supposed to do? How are you supposed to even figure it out?" She doesn't understand, and she's trying. "Giving me my free will and the space to make decisions is different than you being angry and sounding like you're grounding me. I've made my decision, because I love you." She says it softly, and she swallows. "And just because you don't believe it, doesn't mean I don't feel that way, so... that's it. I'm staying, because of how I feel. You don't agree with me, so that means it's up to you. It's two halves of a whole, not just my decision."

She paused. "Does it mean anything to you?" It's the tiniest question, and she can't stop the tears, and god she hates them, and she turns away. "I need to wash my face."

It's like she's doing it on purpose, not listening to anything and putting words in his mouth he never said, so when she moves towards the bathroom without so much as waiting for an answer, Klaus lets her go, he just glares at her back until she's out of sight, and then he resists the temptation to trash his room, for lack of any humans he can take his anger out on. He has to let his anger out somehow, except there's nothing for him to vent it on, so he just paces, hands in his back, and if she takes her time in the bathroom there might be a hole in the carpet by the time she comes back out.

"Sorry," she says when she comes back, and she's sort of just... made the decision that she's going to just let him talk if he's got anything to say, and if he doesn't she's just going to stay and that's good enough. It's got to be good enough, because she doesn't know what else to say or do, and she feels like they're going around in circles. She's not crying, thank god, and she's gotten that under control - she hates it, she hates it so much and she's not supposed to be that person, she's supposed to be smiling and happy and she's not happy now but she's not a sobbing mess.

"I just... needed a second."

The next second Klaus is in front of her, spur of the moment, and his hand is cupping her face, but when he kisses her it's a lot softer than he expected, a lot softer than he thought himself capable of right now.

"I never once said you shouldn't tell me how you feel," he tells her, his eyes on hers, "and I do not know how many times I will have to tell you that I want you before you start believing me, and how many times I will have to tell you that I do not do this before you start believing that you're something special, that you matter, that this matters. But I plan on finding out, if you'll let me."