Nothing wastes the body like worry

[wholeworldoutthere]

Hours. Klaus wasn't sure how long it had been, but it had been hours, hours since he'd gotten back, hours since he'd started looking for Caroline. People had seen her, she had been back, but no one knew where she was now, and he wouldn't take it. She would not be one of the missing people, not if it took beating his way through every wall in the station to make sure.

He would give it some time, though, a day or two before he got started on that particular plan. At least one plan, because he needed some proper sleep, now that he had eaten enough of what blood the replicators provided. He only fell asleep after a couple more hours, and he fell asleep at his desk, over an unfinished drawing of Caroline.

Comments

[wholeworldoutthere]

He can feel her clenching around him, but he's still a way off, and he has no intention of rushing this, really. Whenever they stop kissing, they're breathing together, or he's talking to her, calling her name and telling her how beautiful she is, and he doesn't need to look at her to tell her that, because he doesn't just mean on the outside. And when he kisses her neck he doesn't really want to bite in, he just thinks about it because how can he not, but he barely has to decide not to, because this isn't that kind of sex. He picks up the pace, little by little, and eventually slides a hand between them to help her along to a second orgasm, and only when that is over does he really give in, hips snapping harder, but just as deep, and he's kissing her until he comes, gasping against her mouth.

[brightestlight]

She second time she comes, she can barely keep ahold of herself, of herself, her hand in his hair. It's not until the kiss breaks, until they're both gasping for breath, until she's staring up into his eyes, until she lets go and there's no reason not to, that voice that was in her head that said no, don't is gone. That voice is gone, and she just stares up into his eyes, her hand cupping his cheek, and she can't stop herself. "I love you." She breathes it, and she means it, oh, God, how she means it, but come tomorrow she'll run from it.

[wholeworldoutthere]

It takes the air from his lungs, and just like that, he shuts down. There's a lot he can believe - that she likes, that she cares for him, that she doesn't hate him the way the others do - he can believe her gestures, her kisses, her caresses - but those aren't words that he can believe. It's just whatever's affected them all making her say that, and he closes his eyes and takes a few moments, just breathing through it and preventing himself from arguing with her. She's under the influence of whatever it is; there is no point arguing with her.

But no, he believes, she doesn't.

[brightestlight]

She can feel it, she can see it, and where a day ago she'd push and push and push because she shouldn't, because there was nothing that said she shouldn't a day ago, now that tiny little voice creeps in, that voice that should have stopped her, and she's staring up at him and this is not the reaction that he should have, and it's not even distaste or anything worse, but it's got her in that spiral of anxiety she got caught in more than once, that she used to live in.

Because she can feel him tense, feel him just- just disconnect, and it kills her, and she doesn't have the words, she just has the gnawing why did you do that and you're an idiot, Caroline that her brain readily supplies. She pulls in a breath, and she knows she should make it better, she should apologize, say she was carried away but that's even worse, because she's not sorry, because she wasn't carried away and it's true, so she says nothing, and just turns her head away, knowing he'll let her up and she can- it's not like her bedroom's got a working replicator anymore, but he doesn't believe her or he doesn't want it or he doesn't like her that way and it's just sex, that's okay if it's just sex, she just thought it was more, and if she ignores it like he's obviously ignoring it, maybe that's what she should do. She lets her hand slip from his cheek, and she doesn't say anything, because what can she say?

[wholeworldoutthere]

He softens enough that he slips out of her before either of them has said anything, and he's got enough control that he isn't going to say anything about it, not for now, anyway. He moves, and sits up beside her, but the first thing he does is get rid of his shirt, since it never made it all the way off, and then he's taking her hand and tugging her up, and kissing her with everything he does feel, truly, not because the station's fucking with him, as he pushes her jacket off her shoulders and unhooks her bra.

[brightestlight]

She pours herself into the kiss, and there's a line of desperation there - not to push it further, not to make it some sort of thing or to have heat but something else, and she lets it all fall until she's half in his lap and he's naked and she's in just hose and a garter belt, but her face is pressed against his neck, her forehead against his shoulder as she tries to make herself as small as possible, almost like it will erase what just happened, or it will make him forget or make it okay again, somehow. Neither of them is talking, and she doesn't want too, she doesn't want to speak because things will only get worse, instead of better.

[wholeworldoutthere]

At some point he gets his boots and socks off, and pants and boxers off properly, but she's so quiet against him that he never makes a move to take off her garter belt and stockings, and they're just cuddling, and every move he makes says he cares for her, and that's not why he didn't say anything to it, or so he hopes. It's a kiss now and then, mostly not to her lips, and the way his fingertips are stroking her back, or her arm, the way he brushes his foot against hers. But eventually the exhaustion catches up with him, and he tries not to fall asleep, he does, but he fails, with her warm in his arms, albeit quiet against him.

[brightestlight]

Caroline doesn't go to sleep. She dozes, she thinks, she gets wrapped up in her own anxiety and stress until she can't see straight, and then she slips out from under the heavy weight of his arm, slipping across the bed. They've been doing this enough - she's been doing this enough with him, that she's been sort of quasi living with him for almost a month that it's normal, for when she gets up for the bathroom or because she's weirdly awake before him so he doesn't wake up.

There's evidence of her leaving quickly; stockings balled up in the bathroom trash along with a ripped garter belt because she was so frustrated and angry that she tore it instead of taking it off properly; her toothbrush is gone, as well as the t-shirt she sleeps in that's his. Her clothes are still there, scattered among his things, almost two sets - the sweet and pretty things that she had chosen, and the things that scream vampire that have been her wardrobe for the last few days. There's a cocktail napkin in the trash that's been written on enough that it's torn from her scratching things out, and then there's another on the corner of his desk.

Hey.

It's probably best if we both just not worry about this, since we both need some space. Take care of yourself, okay? I'll find you later.

Caroline

That last sentence is a lie, and the torn cocktail napkin says I'll see you around and has all those things- I'm sorry for what I said and I meant what I said scribbled out and torn. She slips out while she can hold it together, and she's not doing that great because she's a mess, because she's supposed to love Tyler, that's what she's been telling herself, but she had meant it. She'd meant it because of this month, where she just feels more comfortable with him than she has with anybody else, that she can be herself or ask him to tell her about anything and he doesn't say she's an idiot, or that that stuff's not for her, and she spends her nights on his bed watching television while he draws and it's sort of been some of the best stuff ever, and she's ruined all of it and it's gone.

She knows she can't go back to her rooms, because if he looks for her then they'll end up having the conversation that they're trying to avoid, that makes him shut down because he doesn't want it or he doesn't believe her or this wasn't anything like that to him, but if she's in her rooms and he doesn't look for her, it'd somehow be worse, so she's only going to get her stuff and move, and she knows she can hold off the waterworks til then, that she's not going to lock herself in her room with some ice cream until they're new rooms he doesn't know about.